So, if you’ll allow me to get up on my little soapbox, I would like to take this opportunity to talk about how important it is to walk your pet.
BUT, before I really get rolling… I’m not so entirely sure how important it is to walk ALL pets. I don’t know, do people walk their pet llamas? Feel free to educate me here, guys. How about snakes? Snakes don’t have… legs… Although, I was at a gay pride parade in Toronto once and I had my picture taken with a HUMONGOUS 10 foot tall bare chested Amazon man in shiny chaps with a GIGANTIC… boa constrictor (heads out of the gutter, people) languidly drapped across his shoulders and wrapped ever so frighteningly around his neck.
WHAT?! I told you to GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER!
Okay, stay with me. We’re getting back to dogs.
I think it is very valuable to bring this topic up every now and then, because even the best intentioned of us sometimes forget how important it is to get our dogs out for a structured walk every day.
Every. Single. Day.
Even when it’s bitterly cold. Even when it’s grey and miserable. Even when it’s been raining buckets for a kajillion days straight and if it rains for one more bleeping second I AM MOVING TO THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING SAHARA DESERT I’MNOTFREAKINGKIDDING DON’T-PUSH-ME-I’M-SERIOUS-THIS-TIME!!!
Three little points to keep in mind:
- 1 hour, 2x a day: Unless your dog has some kind of health issue, chances are he would appreciate a brisk one hour walk 2 times a day. 2 TIMES A DAY?! That’s right. I know Cesar says at least two 30 minute walks a day, but let’s be honest with ourselves. 30 minutes innocently turns into a skimpy 7 1/2 minutes down to the corner and back, doesn’t it? So let’s go with the oh-so daunting 60 minute walkathon. Twice. You can do it. I have faith in you.
- The park doesn’t count: It really just doesn’t. The park is AWESOME, don’t get me wrong, but Fido needs structure in his life, just as you need structure in yours. So head down to the park AFTER you’ve hiked around with your pooch close at your heels- he will benefit from the discipline and you will reinforce your role as Da Boss.
- A big backyard doesn’t count: See #2. Go on. I’ll wait.
1, 2, 3! Super easy, right? If you walk your dog THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE. I am not kidding you:
If your dog is exercized he will be LESS likely to wreck your stuff, which will make YOU less likely to have a crazy flip-out spazz-fest, which will make you MORE likely to be zen and get along with your partner, who will probably take you out to dinner where you will have a FANTASTIC spicy tortellini paired with a scrumptuous, oaky cabernet sauvignon and I am pretty sure all those things together are the recipe for WORLD PEACE. I’m pretty sure. If you google it you’ll find it. Yes, there it is.
So, enjoy Walk Your Pet Month! Go celebrate by, oh I dunno… walking your pet maybe. Especially snakes. And make sure you go to the park after your walk because look at how much fun Kayloo and Mickey are having in this photo!
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