I am blonde. My eyebrows are EVEN BLONDER. This means my eyebrows are borderline transparent, which makes me look like my eyebrows are raised in a constant state of shell-shocked surprise because THEY ARE INVISIBLE.
Go look at yourself in the mirror. Imagine yourself with no eyebrows. That is what I look like au naturel.
Yeah ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.
To keep from looking like I am in a neverending state of astonishment I dye my eyebrows a tasteful, warm browny colour every couple of months. It’s a do-it-yourself job. I’ve done it often enough that this is not normally a problem. Meaning: I don’t normally end up waltzing out of my bathroom looking like an albino Oscar the Grouch with too-out-there eyebrows and causing my husband to question his choice in life partner. Again.
Last night I had a date with the Semi-Permanent Paint. Here is how it all went down:
Me (to my reflection in the mirror): Yeah. Your eyebrows are gonna look smokin’.
Me (the mirror version of me): You should probably note what time it is so you don’t leave the dye on for too long and end up looking less smokin’, more stupid.
Me (to my reflection): I betcha if I leave this stuff on for a wee bit longer I’ll look all Hollywood Glam. Scarlett Johansson eat your heart out…
Me (my mirror self): Yo Scarlett. What time is it?
Me (to reflection): Hmmmmm…? Let me check the clo- Ooh, HEY, LOOK! LIP GLOSS!
…way too long later…
Me (to my reflection): Ack! DAMN YOU SCARLETT!*
I was particularly bold and, apparently, particularly careless. Without any effort at all I managed to smear copious amounts of BROWN dye all around my eyebrows onto my pasty WHITE skin, which would have been super awesome if I had wanted to look like I melted chocolate brown crayons on my forehead.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Imagine you eyebrows with brown ALL AROUND THEM.
That is what I am dealing with right now. Yeah. Ha.
I scrubbed at my face for a bit but then realized that patchy red, angry skin wasn’t much better than Caterpillar Face. So I stopped. Instead, I have armed myself with eye shadow- which is roughly the shade of glittery Wite-Out- and I am now trying to colour over my lack of time management with make-up and overzealous tweezing.
Three guesses as to whether or not this is working.
*Just kidding Scarlett… love you… call me…