Even Blonder

I am blonde. My eyebrows are EVEN BLONDER. This means my eyebrows are borderline transparent, which makes me look like my eyebrows are raised in a constant state of shell-shocked surprise because THEY ARE INVISIBLE.
 
Go look at yourself in the mirror. Imagine yourself with no eyebrows. That is what I look like au naturel.
 
Yeah ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.
 
To keep from looking like I am in a neverending state of astonishment I dye my eyebrows a tasteful, warm browny colour every couple of months. It’s a do-it-yourself job. I’ve done it often enough that this is not normally a problem. Meaning: I don’t normally end up waltzing out of my bathroom looking like an albino Oscar the Grouch with too-out-there eyebrows and causing my husband to question his choice in life partner. Again.
 
Last night I had a date with the Semi-Permanent Paint. Here is how it all went down:
 
Me (to my reflection in the mirror): Yeah. Your eyebrows are gonna look smokin’.

Me (the mirror version of me):  You should probably note what time it is so you don’t leave the dye on for too long and end up looking less smokin’, more stupid.

Me (to my reflection): I betcha if I leave this stuff on for a wee bit longer I’ll look all Hollywood Glam. Scarlett Johansson eat your heart out…

Me (my mirror self): Yo Scarlett. What time is it?

Me (to reflection): Hmmmmm…? Let me check the clo- Ooh, HEY, LOOK! LIP GLOSS!

…way too long later…

Me (to my reflection): Ack! DAMN YOU SCARLETT!*
 
I was particularly bold and, apparently, particularly careless. Without any effort at all I managed to smear copious amounts of BROWN dye all around my eyebrows onto my pasty WHITE skin, which would have been super awesome if I had wanted to look like I melted chocolate brown crayons on my forehead.
 
Look at yourself in the mirror. Imagine you eyebrows with brown ALL AROUND THEM.
 
That is what I am dealing with right now. Yeah. Ha.
 
I scrubbed at my face for a bit but then realized that patchy red, angry skin wasn’t much better than Caterpillar Face. So I stopped. Instead, I have armed myself with eye shadow- which is roughly the shade of glittery Wite-Out- and I am now trying to colour over my lack of time management with make-up and overzealous tweezing.
 
Three guesses as to whether or not this is working. 

*Just kidding Scarlett… love you… call me…

16 Responses to “Even Blonder”

  1. Kim Clune says:

    Shauna, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. (You know, the writing, not that this happened to you. *smirk*) It’s “blow-milk-out-your-nose” funny and, if I were already eating cereal this morning, it would have happened. I swear. Thankfully, I haven’t left my bed yet or I’d probably have my own horror story to share. This is an AWESOME way to start my vacation. Thanks for the laughs, even if they are at your expense… Maybe even moreso due to that fact!

  2. Brittany says:

    Lemon Juice! Use lemon juice on a q-tip or a paper towel and scrub away at the affected skin. Works amazingly, I’ve left my hair dye on too long, with brown lines down my forehead to not know how to get rid of dye >.<

    Good Luck!

  3. AH! I’ve done this too! I had this face wash that bleached my eyebrows and having dark dark hair I had to dye my eyebrows BLACK. Now imagine what that looked like when it dyed my skin!

    People laughed at me for days.

  4. Scoop says:

    Sounds like the time I used self tanner on my legs, and neglected to exfoliate my feet. My legs looked good, but my feet were ORANGE! It took some serious scrubbing with baking soda to get it to go away. Lemon juice sounds like a gentler approach for your face.

  5. Hilarious! I was thinking about the lack of pictures to accompany the hilarity, then realized it was like radio where we are able to imagine it to all types of degrees…

  6. Meee tooo ! The salons won’t even do mine anymore too thin. It’s a delicate operation to only do your eyebrows, (vasaline over and under your brow first. though Im trying to avoid petroleum products these days) . Red head now gowing a little white, my eyebrows were always very light now with WHITE coming in and kind of course but not full at that. Like a crazy old man brow, you know the kind who let them curl up. An Asian beautician in the Hilton in Vancouver told me in broken English “you need to trim! ” so I have for the past 7 years.

  7. SkyeHeather says:

    Great post! I, too, have invisible blonde brows. I hand tweeze them and then make them visible with a wide brow pencil. However, the danger of self-sculpting invisible brows is that sometimes they’re not…even. Which I don’t realize until I’ve put on the visibility makeup– and realize that one brow is straight across while the other goes up to a point and then back down. Then I have to walk around all day looking like a 1920’s movie villain with one eyebrow permanently raised.

    • I am SO glad I’m not the only one who does this kind of thing! These stories are killing me 🙂

      @Two Pitties- My husband figured I should take a picture too- no way, no way, NO WAY 🙂

  8. What … no picture!

  9. I was gonna say, “No picture?”, but Rod beat me to it. It’s not too late though Shauna, you can still add one, and I really think you should. =D

  10. Come on, Shauna – we need a picture. It’s for the benefit for the blog. =)

  11. Scoop says:

    You know, like @Amy said–a pic would generate hits to you blog, which could, in turn, help to find homes for Skye and Bandit. Its for the dogs, think of them.

  12. […] this time ’round (if you need to catch up, you can read about my eyebrow dying fiasco here. Good times were had by […]

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