sometimes things are scary

I think the sooner we come to the realization that our anger is actually based in fear the better off we will be.

I must have read this idea somewhere. I don’t remember where I came across it. It was probably about 10 years ago and it has coloured my perceptions ever since:

Maybe I’m not actually angry with my boyfriend for not calling. What if what I am feeling is really fear that he doesn’t care enough about me to pick up the phone.

Maybe I’m not really irate with all the commuters I deal with every week on my way to work. Maybe I know the job at the end of my trek is no longer fulfilling and I’m afraid that when I finally take a step to make a change failure will meet me head on.

Maybe I’m not simply angry at all the horrible people doing horrible things in the world. Maybe I’m afraid I will never get the balls to stand up and do something about it.

Anger often feels safer than the vulnerability of being fearful.

It is okay to be afraid. Fear can give us important information about the situations we find ourselves in. However it is not okay to let fear make our decisions for us. It is not okay to allow fear to dictate our responses to challenges, big and small.

Fear stunts curiosity and learning. It is not okay to allow fear to take our potential away.

Hmmm. I wonder if this rambling has something to do with my “resolutions“… have to think about that more I guess.

10 Responses to “sometimes things are scary”

  1. Heather says:

    Wow – good post.

  2. Kari says:

    Deep, might need to re-read after a glass of wine.. 😉


  3. Kim says:

    Fear can definitely be debilitating and yes, I think anger is really fear based in many ways. Marianne Williamson says that anything that isn’t love is fear based. The older I get, the more I observe and learn I have to agree with her. Great post!

  4. @Kari- Well, thank GOD you’re able to drink again now that you’re off your pain meds 😉

  5. @Kim- Yes, that sounds really familiar re: everything not love is fear based… I find it helpful, usually makes any anger/negativity dissolve. Someone on Twitter also pointed out that when dogs are scared they can act out aggressively… we can be just the same as dogs!

  6. Kristine says:

    We CAN be just like dogs, why have I never thought of that before?

    I’ve never really had a lot of anger in my life. But I know fear all too well. In fact, I think I am more comfortable with it than I am with anger. Unfortunately, it hasn’t brought me any closer to over-coming it. Maybe I just need to get mad?

    Thanks for this post.

  7. Great post, Shauna. And I love how you made the cross-over to dogs. It makes perfect sense.

  8. @Kristine- Thank you for reading!

    I think it can be a challenge to be truly aware of what our feelings are sometimes. I think we have cycles that we rotate around and around in so often that after awhile those automatic reponses numb us to what is really going on. We rely on a set way to respond to things rather than giving ourselves some breathing room to figure out what we *actually* think and feel about what is happening. Any time we can spend being really real with ourselves, whether that is with our fear or anger or anything else, is valuable.

  9. @Amy- Thank you! I have learned so much from my dogs… I have also learned a lot from being married, a daughter, a sister, a friend an employee etc, etc… but so much as well from the pooches. So much more to learn too! 🙂