John took this photo on Valentine’s Day with his phone, right before we went out for dinner. 34 weeks pregnant. 37 weeks is considered full term. Not long now, y’all…
dot… dot… dot…
Being pregnant is weird. For years you’re trying not to get pregnant. You’ve got Fort Knox going on to make sure that The Worst Thing Ever doesn’t happen, and even with that you look at yourself sideways in the mirror every now and then freaked out that your breakfast belly is actually motherhood threatening to snatch your life away.
And then for some (like us), you’re trying for years to GET pregnant. Fort Knox has been obliterated and you’re (bitterly… sadly… with confusion) laughing at yourself for having been so paranoid about getting knocked up. You try, you try not to try, you count days, you don your rose-coloured glasses and confidently choose not to buy tampons in the hopes you won’t need them for the next 9 months (and end up making a quiet trip to the corner store again).
And then for some (very fortunately, like us), you get pregnant. You’re in. For the first while you might not really believe it, or even if you do believe it you don’t fully wrap your mind around the reality that there is Life the size of a misshapen peanut growing right inside you. It’s a surreal thing to realize. Sometimes you don’t have time to get to that realization for awhile because you’re spending more time wondering what OH WHAT you could eat to make the nausea go away. Or what you can do to make sure you don’t do anything to screw this up.
You start to feel the baby move. I was expecting it to feel like there was an alien moving around in there but it didn’t feel that way at all. At first it just felt like gas (isn’t that sweet?). Then it felt like my baby was moving around, getting comfortable, falling asleep, waking up. It feels normal. A couple months ago John was watching me watch my stomach roll up and down with the baby’s each shift and stretch and he said I looked utterly happy. I love watching him or her squiggle around.
Maybe at some point you, like me, feel fat (it doesn’t matter if you actually are, or how you compare to others, beauty is all about confidence and how you feel). Your clothes don’t fit right and your boobs are bulging weird, but you can’t complain about either because this is the Miracle of Life and you are grateful to be here and it would be ever so un-PC to bitch about the numbers on the scale creeping up and up and up (fuck) when the priority here is Baby. And you don’t want to jinx it. You don’t want your baby to hear and end up jinxing it.
Being pregnant is weird because something changes every day and you have aches in odd places and your stomache keeps getting bigger (you don’t really notice and then suddenly, oh, you notice) and you find you care in ways you never knew existed. Sometimes you get oh-my-god-what-have-I-done flashes but this change is now a part of you and now, no matter what, you are different from how you were before. Maybe no one else notices, but the world has shifted on its axis. Somewhere between the folic acid, the tears, the reading about mucus plugs and cloth diaper research you realize there has been an Adjustment. You care in a Lion Hearted Way about someone who isn’t there yet, but who really has always been a part of you even though that part didn’t yet have a heartbeat. You know that Lion Hearted Way has given you access to Lion Hearted Courage and that special courage has something to do with Motherhood. You’re curious about what it is going to feel like to fully wield that kind of strength.
For me being pregnant is so weird because I am still me (I’m still sarcastic, I’m still a homebody, I’m still crap on the phone)… but Nature has taken over in so many impressive ways. I used to think I had control and now I am getting closer to understanding that in actuality I do not.
I wouldn’t change any part of any of this. I really do appreciate every little bit. Some of it has hurt (physically, emotionally and all the rest), but I really wouldn’t change it.
So, being pregnant is weird… but absolutely completely freaking awesome.
More belly bump pics:
33 weeks pregnant (spanxy)
32 weeks pregnant (time flying)
31 weeks pregnant (emotional rollercoaster)
30 weeks pregnant- no photos! I missed it! Ack!
29 weeks pregnant (fitness edition)
28 weeks pregnant (bring, do, take & an ode to accepting help)
27 weeks pregnant (christmas edition)
26 weeks pregnant (psychedelic tool edition)
25 weeks pregnant (clean freak)
23 weeks pregnant (the meltdown)
22 weeks pregnant (grand canyon edition)
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