I knew I was pregnant before the tests confirmed it because of this dog right here. Kayloo started having a particular interest in my breath. When she had the chance she would get up close to my face, specifically my mouth, and sniff and sniff and sniff. She wouldn’t try to lick me, she just sniffed.

I knew.

I had been pregnant once a few months before but the little one didn’t get make it past a few weeks. Kayloo had taken the same interest at first, sniffing and sniffing but quickly lost interest. Soon enough various biological signs let me know things didn’t work out… but not before Kayloo alerted me wtih her lack of interest in the smell of my breath.

Before I was pregnant I was out walking the dogs on a particularly sunny afternoon and we had taken a break on a strip of grass to enjoy all the smells a gnarled tree trunk had to offer. A young woman was walking towards us along the sidewalk and suddenly Kayloo made a beeline for her. A very intent beeline. Kayloo is a strong dog. I was dragged.

This is going to sound a bit dramatic, but sometimes Kayloo picks out people who need her. I’m not kidding (her meeting with this woman is an example of her sixth sense). Sometimes people need her… sometimes she just wants to share an overly friendly hello. I wasn’t quite sure what we were in for but it was VERY clear she felt it was VERY important she meet this woman and she kept making her way forward with my, “Enough. Kayloo. Sit. Hey,” commentary ignored in the background. And then Kayloo’s snout was firmly wedged in her crotch.

And I couldn’t get her to back up.

Holy crap. I am so sorry. I do NOT know what is going on here.

The woman was really sweet and obviously a dog person because she just laughed and said, “Oh, it’s okay. I’m pregnant. That is difficult to resist for many dogs.” I congratulated her, asked her how far along she was, “… about 6 weeks I guess.”

6 WEEKS!!!

Forget expensive pregnancy detector kits, if you want to know if you’re pregnant just come on over to my house. Don’t wear a skirt.

Kayloo knew even before 6 weeks both times with me… and the funny thing is I didn’t wonder for a second what it was she was sensing. Of course, we were trying to get pregnant so that helped narrow down what her behaviour could mean, but I knew right away this was about getting knocked up and I didn’t doubt her accuracy for a second.

Both dogs have slowly been giving me more space as I have physically and mentally grown to need it. Both dogs seem to understand that I only have so much patience these days and don’t test me quite as much. Kayloo has taken a renewed interest in my breath lately and I know things are changing and getting closer. I appreciate the heads up.

I also appreciate that Kayloo checks out my breath rather than goosing me to conduct her scientific experiments. Much appreciated, Monkey Head.

PS- I edited this photo via picnik.com. They are closing mid-April and their Effects etc are free so if you like playing with themes, textures and that kind of thing, enjoy!

John took this photo on Valentine’s Day with his phone, right before we went out for dinner. 34 weeks pregnant. 37 weeks is considered full term. Not long now, y’all…

dot… dot… dot…

Being pregnant is weird. For years you’re trying not to get pregnant. You’ve got Fort Knox going on to make sure that The Worst Thing Ever doesn’t happen, and even with that you look at yourself sideways in the mirror every now and then freaked out that your breakfast belly is actually motherhood threatening to snatch your life away.

And then for some (like us), you’re trying for years to GET pregnant. Fort Knox has been obliterated and you’re (bitterly… sadly… with confusion) laughing at yourself for having been so paranoid about getting knocked up. You try, you try not to try, you count days, you don your rose-coloured glasses and confidently choose not to buy tampons in the hopes you won’t need them for the next 9 months (and end up making a quiet trip to the corner store again).

And then for some (very fortunately, like us), you get pregnant. You’re in. For the first while you might not really believe it, or even if you do believe it you don’t fully wrap your mind around the reality that there is Life the size of a misshapen peanut growing right inside you. It’s a surreal thing to realize. Sometimes you don’t have time to get to that realization for awhile because you’re spending more time wondering what OH WHAT you could eat to make the nausea go away. Or what you can do to make sure you don’t do anything to screw this up.

You start to feel the baby move. I was expecting it to feel like there was an alien moving around in there but it didn’t feel that way at all. At first it just felt like gas (isn’t that sweet?). Then it felt like my baby was moving around, getting comfortable, falling asleep, waking up. It feels normal. A couple months ago John was watching me watch my stomach roll up and down with the baby’s each shift and stretch and he said I looked utterly happy. I love watching him or her squiggle around.

Maybe at some point you, like me, feel fat (it doesn’t matter if you actually are, or how you compare to others, beauty is all about confidence and how you feel). Your clothes don’t fit right and your boobs are bulging weird, but you can’t complain about either because this is the Miracle of Life and you are grateful to be here and it would be ever so un-PC to bitch about the numbers on the scale creeping up and up and up (fuck) when the priority here is Baby. And you don’t want to jinx it. You don’t want your baby to hear and end up jinxing it.

Being pregnant is weird because something changes every day and you have aches in odd places and your stomache keeps getting bigger (you don’t really notice and then suddenly, oh, you notice) and you find you care in ways you never knew existed. Sometimes you get oh-my-god-what-have-I-done flashes but this change is now a part of you and now, no matter what, you are different from how you were before. Maybe no one else notices, but the world has shifted on its axis. Somewhere between the folic acid, the tears, the reading about mucus plugs and cloth diaper research you realize there has been an Adjustment. You care in a Lion Hearted Way about someone who isn’t there yet, but who really has always been a part of you even though that part didn’t yet have a heartbeat. You know that Lion Hearted Way has given you access to Lion Hearted Courage and that special courage has something to do with Motherhood. You’re curious about what it is going to feel like to fully wield that kind of strength.

For me being pregnant is so weird because I am still me (I’m still sarcastic, I’m still a homebody, I’m still crap on the phone)… but Nature has taken over in so many impressive ways. I used to think I had control and now I am getting closer to understanding that in actuality I do not.

I wouldn’t change any part of any of this. I really do appreciate every little bit. Some of it has hurt (physically, emotionally and all the rest), but I really wouldn’t change it.

So, being pregnant is weird… but absolutely completely freaking awesome.

More belly bump pics:

33 weeks pregnant (spanxy)

32 weeks pregnant (time flying)

31 weeks pregnant (emotional rollercoaster)

30 weeks pregnant- no photos! I missed it! Ack!

29 weeks pregnant (fitness edition)

28 weeks pregnant (bring, do, take & an ode to accepting help)

27 weeks pregnant (christmas edition)

26 weeks pregnant (psychedelic tool edition)

25 weeks pregnant (clean freak)

24 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant (the meltdown)

22 weeks pregnant (grand canyon edition)

21 weeks pregnant

20 weeks pregnant

19 weeks pregnant

18 weeks pregnant

All “Bambino” related posts

I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine’s Day!

It looks better when you take the photo BEFORE the food is on the table. I know. You will notice that John has already placed his napkin on his lap and I have not. John married a heathen.

We went to Cafe Brio. I know lots of people hate Valentine’s Day… I’m neither here nor there about it. I really enjoy, however, going out for a nice dinner. We had a gift certificate my parents had given us for our anniversary (which is in June) that we hadn’t completely used up yet so we decided to use the rest of it. I’ve been told to enjoy nice slow dinners while we can… so we did. Four courses and we topped the night off with this chocolate mousse thing that was sent directly from heaven. I even had a sip of John’s red wine. Oh, it was lovely.

I have noticed that John and I don’t have a lot of pictures together ever since I got my new camera. It’s not easy to hold a DSLR with one hand. Well, John got a fancy pants new phone (an iPhone. He will be happy to tell you ALL about it and how it is waaaay better than my Blackberry) so when we got home I decided Valentine’s Day was the day to start snapping away.

This was the best photo we got:

It would appear we are out of practice when it comes to taking self portraits. John may have thought this would get him OUT of enduring a lot more of this, but he would be incorrect.

Get smiling, Snappy. Many, many, many more practice shots are in your future…

Thank you for a lovely Valentine’s Day!

Mah 33 week pregnant belly. I’m not looking at my ass in that one on the right, I’m looking at Mickey. Also, it looks like my belly is crooked in that shot in the middle. It may very well be. This kid doesn’t hang out in the the center of my uterus, he or she likes to lounge a little to the left. And so, I am lopsided. I suspect I will always be a little lopsided in one way or another from now until forever.

Look what I discovered:

Compression stockings. Yeah, it’s pretty hot. You wear these babies if you have or are worried about getting varicose veins. I am concerned about getting varicose veins. One thing that happens during pregnancy is your blood volume doubles so your veins get bigger to accommodate.

Yet another way Nature makes sure you spend a bit of time with your feet up.

Really what these are are Spanx in sock form, so if you see me and you are thinking, DAMN her calves are looking mighty svelte these days, you would be correct. My calves are red carpet ready, yo! Except for the potential varicose vein part.

Decidedly UN-Hollywood.

More belly bump pics:

32 weeks pregnant (time flying)

31 weeks pregnant (emotional rollercoaster)

30 weeks pregnant- no photos! I missed it! Ack!

29 weeks pregnant (fitness edition)

28 weeks pregnant (bring, do, take & an ode to accepting help)

27 weeks pregnant (christmas edition)

26 weeks pregnant (psychedelic tool edition)

25 weeks pregnant (clean freak)

24 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant (the meltdown)

22 weeks pregnant (grand canyon edition)

21 weeks pregnant

20 weeks pregnant

19 weeks pregnant

18 weeks pregnant

All “Bambino” related posts

This is a picture my brother took of Kayloo on her new dog bed.

I think between that and the fire this dog is pretty pleased with life.

My belly at 32 weeks pregnant. Where, oh where does the time go?

My head is buzzing at the moment. House has been repainted (pics to come). I have gone through almost every nook and cranny in this place trying to reclaim as much of our home as possible from random stuff: resorting, recycling, giving/throwing away what we don’t need/have space for. Had our hospital tour last week (a dozen women and their partners waddling around, peering at pacing bleary eyed men and busy nurses smiling up from charts). Prenatal classes start this week.

My iron isn’t quite as high as my midwife would like so I am now supplementing, eating kale every day and, gasp, I have added red meat to my diet. Well, by “add” I mean that I have bought some locally raised, grass fed, hormone-free ground beef and I will be making some chili with it shortly. Tomorrow probably. (This does not, by the way, mean that you can’t get along just fine as a pregnant vegetarian. You can. I have always been low on iron, even when I was eating meat- talk to your midwife/doctor about what to do to get your iron levels up if it’s a concern for you. Next time I get pregnant I will be paying much closer attention to this part of my diet).

We bought a used stroller and now I am having a bit of an issue finding an adaptor bar for a car seat. When I talk to the stroller dealers/customer service people they ask me questions like, “What is the model number of your stroller?”, “Do you want it to fit the Shumba Wumba or the Bladda Blooda?” I have now said various versions of the following, “I have never had a kid. I have no idea what a Shumba Blooda is. Is that an actual product? A brand name? That monster that hides out in closets and terrifies kids in the night?”

At the best of times I hate it when people spew industry specific jargon at me. I don’t work in your industry. How in the hell could I possibly understand your acronyms and code words? I would not describe laying on my swollen belly trying to find a model number on the bottom of a stroller a “best of time” so cutesy, bouncy sounding jargon at that point pretty much makes me want to stab myself with a spoon.

Other than that, things are good. I like being pregnant. It took a bit of getting used to (the getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger part), but I like it now… I think I’m going to miss it. It is a fascinating thing, a whole human being right in my belly. Crazy. Wonderful.

And it’s going by so fast…

More belly bump pics:

31 weeks pregnant (emotional rollercoaster)

30 weeks pregnant- no photos! I missed it! Ack!

29 weeks pregnant (fitness edition)

28 weeks pregnant (bring, do, take & an ode to accepting help)

27 weeks pregnant (christmas edition)

26 weeks pregnant (psychedelic tool edition)

25 weeks pregnant (clean freak)

24 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant (the meltdown)

22 weeks pregnant (grand canyon edition)

21 weeks pregnant

20 weeks pregnant

19 weeks pregnant

18 weeks pregnant

All “Bambino” related posts

End of the day with the dogs. Bliss.

The 31 weeks pregnant bump is loud and proud, y’all! It is especially noticable when I bend down to pick up one of the gagillion things I drop on the floor each day.

My facial expression looks a little pinched, doesn’t it? That’s because 14 seconds after these were taken I started crying (this meltdown was much worse than this meltdown). I started crying because John had finished cleaning up some dishes before going into Photographer-of-the-Belly mode and a few clicks into our fabulous photo shoot I noticed there was some water on his hands (that’s right, he was doing dishes AND being my photographer and I STILL freaked out. I. Am. A Keeper).

Me: John… are your hands wet? Could you dry them off, please? The camera…

John: They’re dry (wipes hands on his pants)

Me: WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I mean, really? Were the tears necessary? An eyeroll would have suited this situation. Or perhaps a well placed glare followed up with a towel thrown at him for good measure. But did we need the ugly cry face ? Probably not.

I’m not an overly emotional person. Although, I suppose what I ought to say is I didn’t used to be an overly emotional person. It’s not like suddenly I think everything is a really big deal. I know most things are normal sized deals, but my responses to all sized deals are getting increasingly out of proportion.

One way I have found to cope is to ignore the thing that is going to make me cry altogether. Sad TV show about kid who gets cancer= change the channel asap to something mindless and colourful. Blog post about whales dying = close browser pronto and look at funny pictures of cats. This is quite an effective strategy. Problem is, I’ve started doing it to people.

I was at an awards event last week (John’s health clinic was nominated for an award, what, what!) and I was talking with a woman whose company had also been nominated (she was nominated in a different category so it wasn’t like I was franternizing with the enemy or anything). She has a little boy and we were talking about the ridiculous emotional ups and downs that can strike at any time during pregnancy. I said to her, “I’m normally a pretty rational, logical person so this is kind of throwing me for a loop.” She shared a really sweet anecdote about how when a woman becomes a mom she can never expect to totally be in control of her emotions again because when that baby is born he takes a piece of his mom’s heart in his. From that point forward there is a piece of that woman’s heart out in the world, forever out of her control.

… Or something like that. It was beautiful. But I am probably screwing it up because I couldn’t focus on what she was saying with 100% of my attention because I was going to lose it RIGHT THERE ALL OVER MY PLACE SETTING. There was a pretty centerpiece on the table, everyone was all dressed up all fancy and there I was doing whatever I could to distract myself from hurling myself to the ground in a lumpy heap of snot and cried out mascara, wailing at the precious beauty of it all.

So, if you’re talking to me and saying something touching and all sweet as hell and you notice that I have suddenly developed a vague, stoned look in my eye don’t be offended. I’m not high. I’m just ignoring you.

It’s in everyone’s best interest. Trust me.

More belly bump pics:

30 weeks pregnant- no photos! I missed it! Ack!

29 weeks pregnant (fitness edition)

28 weeks pregnant (bring, do, take & an ode to accepting help)

27 weeks pregnant (christmas edition)

26 weeks pregnant (psychedelic tool edition)

25 weeks pregnant (clean freak)

24 weeks pregnant

23 weeks pregnant (the meltdown)

22 weeks pregnant (grand canyon edition)

21 weeks pregnant

20 weeks pregnant

19 weeks pregnant

18 weeks pregnant

This is a sunrise. I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but sunrises happen really early in the morning. For this reason I don’t see a lot of sunrises. I prefer to sleep through them.

This was on the ferry from Victoria to Vancouver before Christmas. John and I were heading over to the Big Smoke to pick up fantastic hand-me-down baby stuff from family and friends.

I am told the bambino is going to introduce me to lots of sunrises. That’s cool. I have a camera and the babe is eventually going to grow up and have boyfriends/girlfriends come over and I will be more than happy to share photographic evidence of his or her lack-o-coolness.

It’ll all work out in the end.

Plus, sunrises are quite beautiful I suppose…

My family is visiting us to help with the painting right now.

And this dog? This dog right here is an absolute hit with them.

She may be rather crap on leash. She may slobber all over your face every damn time you bend down to tie your shoe. She may kind of smell regardless of whether she’s just had a bath or not. But for all her faults, Kayloo is the kind of dog who just can’t help but beam her love all over you.

So far everyone seems to beam their love right back.

And I just all over love her for that.